NLP: How to change your moods
Imagine a cardiologist who religiously insists on spending five minutes playing the same video game for twenty years before going to the operating room. A rock star, before the concert, looks in the mirror and repeats a compliment that was given to her as a child. A sports champion always laces her running shoes in the same order while she sings a certain song.
What do these examples have in common?
They are all examples of artists who have found a way to control their status; no matter how silly and irrelevant to the task at hand it may seem to the outside world.
Why is our state important?
Managing your state and influencing the states of others is one of the most important skills in life.
Most business people will make decisions logically, but it is their state and the strength of their state that will lead them to take action and persevere with action in difficult times.
It is an important part of our emotional intelligence.
I've found that a useful way to develop state competencies is to start noticing how different states affect us and others.
A simple learning experience for myself is when I play Magic Square, a brain training game. When I get a wrong answer, I get angry with myself. The immediate impact of this is that I don't pay attention for the next few minutes, and I invariably miss out on subsequent responses. In this context, it is more effective for me to accept a wrong answer as useful information and a stimulus to focus better for the next exercise. This greatly improves my performance.
There are hundreds of useful states, and different combinations of states are useful in different situations.
A useful developmental state is curiosity. Others include ferocity, playfulness, and tenderness.
A useful starting point is to identify a number of states that are useful in various situations. What impact do they have on us? What impact do they have on those around us?
All states can be useful based on context and how we use them. See the following list of states. Which ones can be useful in a variety of contexts? Which ones might be less useful?
Useful states
Change jobs: Ferocity, playfulness and tenderness
Being trained: ambition, courage, discipline, honesty
Creating art: curiosity, generosity and connection
Achieving the impossible: curiosity, passion, purpose and then autonomy and mastery - followed by a series of final goals, medium and clear, small and short-lived.
Accept, Action, Added Value, Helpful, Angry (attention!), Authentic, Aware *
Balanced, Bastard (Attention!), Construction
Capable, charismatic, calm, caring / not caring *, chaotic, childish *, competent, confused *, connected, controlled, stimulating, creative, curious *
Dancing, Bold, Destructive, Determined *
Empower, Encourage, Engage *, Engage
Scary (watch out!), Fierce *, Flowing, Focused, Fun
Sparkling, Glowing
High energy, human
Inspiring, interested, intuitive
judgmental / non-judgmental *
Kick in the ass, know / not know *
Level, Listening *
Mischievous *, motivated
Optimistic *, Open *
Persuasive, "Panther" status, Playful *, Present, Professional, Powerful (watch out!)
Relentless, resilient *
Seductive
Tender*
Use anything
Hot, Wonder, Destruction,
Those marked with * are the ones I think are most important.
Notes
We cannot control our state absolutely (we are humans, not machines), but we are able to influence and drive change.
Remember that most challenges can be solved by applying ferocity, tenderness, or playfulness.
Before a meeting, it is helpful to plan out the 3 most useful states to be able to join that meeting, for example: busy, interested, determined, and check in from time to time to ask "are we in the best position to deal with this? "
When exploring states it can be helpful to explore opposites. The individual with the most flexibility is often the most successful. And one way to improve our flexibility is to explore opposites. For example, it is sometimes useful to be in a state of "knowledge", particularly if you are teaching in a traditional way. However, when we are learning, it is often best to remain in a state of "not knowing" open and respectful of those who give information.
I always advise clients to explore states that are clearly beneficial. Most of us spend enough time in less-than-useful states, even without practice, but when someone has learned to access useful states, they might try to explore and find uses for ones that don't seem useful at first glance. Many seemingly useless states, such as fear and anger, can be used sparingly to motivate us. Art is not to be controlled by them.
How can we lead our state?
Using our memories and our imagination. When we focus on a specific memory, and we go through each sense (in NLP the senses are called modalities) that is what we see, hear, feel, taste and smell, and we focus on the qualities of each sense (in NLP the qualities of each sense is called submodality), the memory is amplified to bring the state back to the present. We can then anchor that state, making it easily accessible in the future. We can perform a similar routine using our imagination, imagining an imaginary scenario designed to inspire that specific state in us.
By changing our physiology and breathing. We naturally perceive the states in others from their posture, breathing and tone of voice. Taking on the external physical traits of a state - the rhythm of the breath and the posture of it - will change our real emotional state.
From the questions we ask ourselves and others. If we ask ourselves and / or others why we or they have failed, it is likely to lead them to a negative state. If we ask ourselves how we are going to be successful next time, they are more likely to lead to a positive state.
From our beliefs. When we believe that what we are doing has a clear purpose that will benefit ourselves and others, it reduces the intensity of any negative state and increases the intensity of any positive state. If we believe we are benefiting from an activity, we are likely to be in a better state than if we think it is useless. There is some truth in the saying if we believe we can do it, we will probably succeed. If we believe we can't, we probably won't try and significantly reduce our chances of success.
Through acceptance . When we accept any situation, it loses its power over us and reduces any negative state. Disciplines such as meditation increase our ability to accept whatever life offers us, to make the best of it and then move towards what we want.
Anchoring in NLP
One way you can influence states is through anchors. A stimulus / trigger that results in a particular response in us. Anchors can be intentional or accidental, overt or hidden.
Anchoring could be described as taking control of a natural phenomenon: how we form associations and how these associations can bring us back to a certain state.
You can, for example, associate the smell of bread with a particular song through a childhood experience you barely remember. There is no logical link between the bread and the song other than the fact that you lived them at the same time.
By firing the anchors , it allows you to pull the same trigger, and make it portable, like hitting your knuckles or imagining the smell of bread. We can then put ourselves in the states we want, when they are useful to us.
Words are often strong anchors - But as we speak, our audience can have a very different emotional response to what we expect. This is because they will have their own interpretation and experience of the words. Ideally, we'll update our choice of words based on actual audience response and don't stick to our expectations of how they should respond.
Mauro Brocca
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